just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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