Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
