I think im going to throw up on grandma
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
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