At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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