I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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