ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
