I think I died a long time ago.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
