basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
