Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
