Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
You smell like stripper and shame
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize