Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
