Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
