how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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