Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
