you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
