Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
