The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
