new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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