She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize