you win again, gameday.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
