We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
