I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
