We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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