Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
