marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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