Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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