Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
