He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
