My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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