Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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