I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
