I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
