My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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