There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
you inspire me to be a worse person
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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