I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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