ADVERTISEMENT

• (216): View more from Ohio

  when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account

  (1-216): View more from Ohio

  damn...impressive bar tab

  (216): View more from Ohio

  no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer

  Fav 13 1571 2276

  share tweet
  

• (315): View more from New York

  the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.

  Fav 19 5911 1036

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (503): View more from Oregon

  I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team

  Fav 42 6394 1349

  share tweet
  

• (845): View more from New York

  beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween

  Fav 26 6119 774

  share tweet
  

• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems

  Fav 13 1456 3279

  share tweet
  

• (512): View more from Texas

  i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.

  Fav 11 2329 881

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (352): View more from Florida

  Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested

  Fav 15 1145 2304

  share tweet
  

• (310): View more from California

  OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?

  Fav 14 2053 1156

  share tweet
  

• (910): View more from North Carolina

  I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up

  Fav 4 2051 788

  share tweet
  

• (585): View more from New York

  The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club

  (716): View more from New York

  You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall

  Fav 0 1069 490

  share tweet
  

• (+27): View more from South Africa

  This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.

  Fav 2 938 587

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (479): View more from Arkansas

  I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.

  Fav 2 639 417

  share tweet
  

• (302): View more from Delaware

  She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.

  Fav 0 313 233

  share tweet
  

• (256): View more from Alabama

  My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.

  Fav 2 66 16

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (515): View more from Iowa

  This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.

  Fav 0 68 8

  share tweet
  

Randomize