That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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