she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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