So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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