She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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