When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
