I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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