It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she peed on how many people?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
