I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
