i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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