Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
