i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
3pm strippers are depressing
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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