I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
you never un-have a 4some
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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