i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize