He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize