Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize