drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
4 words: hood of his car
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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