Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
