flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
