Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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