Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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