i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
