Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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