Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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