Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
