So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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