You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
