Kareoke will never be a sober sport
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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