when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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